Poem66. Initiative

Being with my- self
talking with-in more
am I shutting up?
withdrawing inside?

Not interested in talks
nothing excites me!
each day brings greyness
 more questions with it..

By living with dears, trying
to do what they expect,
sad,never to satisfaction
but  can I blame them?

Yes, I  want them happy
give what they wish
for that, I must be myself
not  shadow, but  happy self.

Happiness it seems
at my shoulder length
but why can't I jump,
and catch, just wonder?.

To achieve something special
initiative, the first step,
why I don't assimilate
courage for that leap?